Asperger's Syndrome and me.

Well finally we have it, the all important piece of paper that says my son has Asperger's Syndrome. Its only taken us 3 1/2 years, numerous meetings with schools, 4 CAMHS referrals and George to start self harming before anyone would listen. My God its been a journey and all to get people to recognise George is an individual, a real person and not a robot. The main problem here is the Education System, the one size fits all policy borne of the Government that all children need to achieve academically to become a success in the world. The problem was George didn't have a problem academically, in fact he excels in Maths and Science, under achieves a little in English but copes well, is fantastic at art and music so obviously he knew how to behave in company. We have done our best to teach him the rules of the playground but bless him, he is sensitive and vulnerable at these times. He can't read people well and gets over emotional, this leaves him a target for bullies who constantly try and push his buttons to get a response. We along with CAMHS have taught him some coping mechanisims which are begining to bear fruit and eventually the school began to listen and wrote an "Individual Education Plan" for him. I have to say his tutor has been amazing in helping us with this. Sadly one or two of the teachers haven't grasped it and were unwilling to listen to advise so we refused to let George continue in these lessons. If there is one thing I have learnt over the last 3 years is not to let the "authorities" have authority over my son. God gave him to me to look after and so I have every right to make a stand for what I believe is right for my son and indeed my daughters, so we don't take any crap anymore!! Having seen the education system from both sides as a parent and a professional I am saddened that this individual attention cannot be given to all young people. Why is it that in order to gain respect as an individual a child either has to be badly behaved to the point of intervention or have ASD. I have looked at the work of Springfield school for example and the innovative ways they teach, Alternative Provision at Hardenhuish is excellent but still there is this pressure to conform to rules and regulations to achieve, facts and figures. I saw a seriously troubled young man working with a youthworker in an Alt Provision setting, relationships were building and the young man was begining to show respect for his worker. These things take time, sometimes years, watch MR Drew's school for boys to see the development of relationship through scaffolding and walking alongside these boys. The youthworker had to leave the room and leave the boy in the care of a teacher who has very set ideas about behaviour and rules within two minutes the young man was bouncing of the walls so to speak. Young people and human beings they need to be worked with and alongside, not dictated to. Some people (incl my husband at times) think I'm soft but where would you be now if you had a teacher that cared? Maybe you did and would like to acknowledge them, do it, these teachers are the ones that do it because they are called to it, they have a heart for the young person and not their climb up the career ladder. That reminds me of another young teacher, a head of a small village school, who was on a mission. This job was a stepping stone to further his career he didn't care who he stepped on even the end of a young child who it was apparent to me had ASD. He got shouted out and berated causing regular meltdowns for the boy when what he needed was patience and understanding. People are cruel and judgemental. In my life I have had only two serious relationships with men and one of those is my husband. Both my ex and my husband have been the subject of bullying, at school and as adults. Both have been critisied and treated badly by those around them for being "different" there is a strange almost arrogance about them but guess what, they both have recently been or going through the process of being diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. I have lived with this for over 30 years, its been really hard work at times but now I know I can see why. I always saw the person not the crap that society has piled on them. Their eccentrisities only made me love them more and now my son has it too. Well its my job to see that he doesn't end up with depression, beaten down by life until he feels he has to end it all, its my job to help equip him for life, to ensure he loves himself and is confident in who he is until the world stops being an asshole and judging everyone, its my job to help heal the 54 years of crap my husband has gone through and help him accept who he is warts and all and help him see the person I saw 25 years ago. I appeal to you if you are reading this to spread the word. Autism is not a disease, its a different programming system. Its like Windows v Mac. You get used to using one system and in order to use another it takes time and patience. Every single one of us runs a slightly different programme in our brains to another, take that time and patience to learn about each other not because of a label or a diagnosis but because we ALL deserve that kind of respect "We are not numbers, we are free men and women", lets pass that on to those in authority as well, we all deserve a chance to be who we are created to be, some into music, some into horses, and some into football (but remember this one is not everyone's cup of tea). Be who you are wonderfully and fearfully created for a purpose even if we don't know what that is yet. Celebrate your individualism!!

A letter to the RH Michael Gove

23 Avon Rise Luckington Wiltshire SN14 6PF 18 June 2013. Dear Mr Gove, I am a mother of three young teenagers, two have which are on the tail end of their senior school education and one that is in year seven and about to embark on his serious studies. Both the girls have successfully gone through the current system of GCSEs and have worked very hard to obtain the grades they have and are expected to get. My eldest also took AS levels but sadly due to a disability had to drop at least one A level which meant she could no longer continue at 6th form. She transferred to college and is now getting distinctions across the board in a BTEC Level 3 Music Performance Diploma and hopes to go onto University. Alice is obtaining A*s not because the exams are easy but because she works so hard at her studies. I was sadly disappointed to hear of the proposed changes you are trying to make to the exam system over the next two years which will directly affect my son however, who is in year seven. How on earth do you propose that teaching algebra and Shakespeare (whilst great subjects) will truly fit him for life in the 21st century not to mention the fact that results will now be based on exams alone at the end of two years??? Universities are already experiencing problems with students coming through not knowing how to do modules and coursework, not knowing how to think for themselves as they have been taught in the monkey see monkey do fashion in order to pass exams, get good grades and make the school and the government look good. What about the child and what is best for them? We are all different and all learn in different ways, where is the scope in your recommendations for innovation? I have recently completed a BA(Hons) degree in Youth and Community and Practical Theology myself at the age of 45 and have worked alongside some of the young people I speak of, who struggled to time keep and work on modules without having to constantly ask questions of the tutors. I have studied the different learning styles that theorists such as Piaget, Kolb and Honey and Mumford have studied for many years and looked at pedagogy and the work of people that came before you and I. They have come up with tried and tested methods of successful teaching through hands on learning, through the building blocks of education and the joys and merits of informal education. Even the Chinese have a proverb “Tell me and I’ll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I will understand” Over the past few weeks I have been assisting on an Inclusions and Alternative Provisions review at our local senior school and I have been amazed at the choice that is available to young people. Life is about more than academia it just seems a shame that the only way to access Alternative Provision is to misbehave. I understand that a bespoke education maybe unaffordable across the board but surely education should be tailored more towards an individual not less as it would be in your proposals? I don’t think you realise that these children and young people are not commodities or statistics they are human beings that need to brought up holistically that is educated academically, spiritually and in well being all your proposals will serve to do is to alienate further those who are not academic, cause more behavioural problems for teachers who have a hard enough job as it is with all the other policies they have to deal with and give exam results based on how well a student performs in an exam. If they have a good memory and can cope well under pressure they will be fine but if like my son, they get stressed and can’t think straight they don’t stand a chance. I know because I sat O’levels that were based on the same format and they didn’t work either! What is so wrong with having a balance of coursework that is supervised as it has now become and exams without all the emphasis being placed on the exam? This would give a fairer picture and fit a young person better for the future. Life is all about learning it’s a never ending process of failure, learning and failing again, like a small child learning to walk they don’t do it all in one go, it takes practice and there needs to be room for error, it’s not a finite process. Just what is your thinking behind these ridiculous proposals, how have you come to these conclusions? What advice have you sought? As far as I can tell from speaking to teachers through school and the National Union of Teachers and other parents none of them think this is a good idea so where are you getting your information from? Seriously I and many others would like to know, can you put our minds at rest or do we have to take further action to save the future of our children! My husband is a retired college lecturer, he to holds a BSc in Engineering so we both understand the importance of a good education but more particularly in a balanced informal/formal learning structure. We recently found out that as parents we have more authority over our children’s education than we thought. During our son’s time in year 6 he was very badly bullied. The school refused to act and even admit there was a problem and so we discovered through a friend that we could home educate him which we did for six months. Most parents haven’t got a clue how easy this is and that it is far from being against the law. These children and young people that you are messing with are not yours, they are not pawns in political games, they are God given gifts to us as parents to look after and nurture and so we as parents have every right to stand up for what we believe in. The teachers are with us and if I need to get a petition up against these proposals and raise another vote of no confidence in your policies I will. As well as teaching my husband and I both volunteer and work with young people, Iain in particular works with NEET young people and we have seen firsthand the damage that is being done to the future generations This is not a threat but we as parents and teachers want answers and sooner rather than later before you mess up another generation! Regards Sarah McGrory Iain McGrory

Bullying has to stop!

For two years my son has been bullied at school for being "different"! He doesn't like football. He likes music and reading and Street Dance. He's not fat but tall for his age and like my daughter well built. But the "normal" sized kids laugh at him and call him fat!
He doesn't fit into the round hole that society would like him to fit into.
He's a Christian and strong in his faith and his understanding of it, but that was wrong to despite going to a C of E aided school.
He's not a genius but he's not thick, academically he's doing OK so he ticked the right boxes and was offered no help. In fact at the last parents evening we were told he had no friends to go up to senior school with in September that his best bet was to keep his head down and survive the next term until he could go up to senior school and make a fresh start.
Emotionally he is raw and hurt by his experience, he is being to exhibit behavioural problems which is not helping his situation so we have taken him out of school to home educate him for a while.
We know he needs to socialise and have avenues for that, we are more than capable of helping him learn but why has it had to come to this. What is wrong with the system that can only deal with round pegs for the round holes, if you have the slightest rough edge are you destined for the scrap heap?
Thankfully my son has caring parents and supportive doctor who has pointed us in the right direction to get our son the help he needs. We are hopeful and excited about his new school in September and are going to work with them to in his transition from year 6 to 7!
Watch this space I don't think this will be the last we here of George!

Shibboleth

Resurrection:
Why did Jesus have to come, why did God have to send him.
The Israelites were God’s chosen people, they were special. They were to be saved in a world that was broken. Since the fall in Genesis man kind was destined to die but they were the chosen ones. All they had to do was live according to the laws and they would be fine. Did they? No. Time and time again God tries to rescue them, he sends Moses, Joshua, prophets to warn them like Isaiah and Jeramiah and finally he sends Jesus. In order for God to talk to us he becomes human “incarnate” he takes on human flesh, lives among us, finds out what are issues are, shares with us and tries to lead us forward “he is the way the truth and the life” It’s no longer just about the Israelites, the have had there chance, this is bigger this is the start of the healing of the whole of creation, of us.
Look at “Shibboleth” made in the Tate Gallery. In Judges 12 the word is about racisms, it’s about everything that is wrong in the world. Image the “good image of the garden of Eden, Adam and Eve going about their business looking after the world and then she ate the apple and the crack in creation appeared! Creation is cracked, it has been since Adam. Jesus is the repair but not a quick fix. If you have a hole in the wall, if I was to bash through a wall and then just wallpaper over it how long would the repair last?
No, Jesus is filling the crack from the bottom up. What is at the bottom a young person asked? Death, Jesus went into the bottom of the crack and defeated death and began the rebuild by his resurrection. We are called to join in to help fill the gap, some to mind the gap, some to show people the other side and bring them to God, bridging the gap. It’s a work in progress that’s why some people are healed and others aren’t, that’s why things are still going wrong it’s the now and the not yet, the repair is taking place around us, we can be part of it.
To quote Eleanor Mumford “We have had D Day, the war is won but we are waiting for VE Day, Victory on Earth day.
How do we see evidence of the repair?
How can we be part of it?
What does it look like and where do you stand?

The end of Term 1

Well I have reached the end of my first term in one piece just about. I have just submitted both my essays, 1 on Biblical Studies an exegesis and hermeneutics on Isaiah chapter 43 and 1 on youth and community work an analysis of my agency and my own practice. I have also written 6 journals and 1 directed task. It's been quite a journey for me and my family. To be honest we have struggled so please keep us in your prayers.

The young people I work with are growing in their faith and I think the level of teaching I am doing is growing. They are doing things like blessing their school with chocolate and thinking of how to serve in the community, we're hoping to go bag backing at Christmas. SiB (or what used to be CU) is growing and new people are coming to this and Trax. God is great and I pray for the new and the old yps in both these groups as well as Pipeleine who I sit in with occassionally. I also have two new volunteers as well as my good pal Simon.
I have the priveledge of having Dave Wiles from the Frontier Youth Trust as my tutor and he and Paul Tilley continue to advice me and make me reflect and think hard about what I am doing and why.
My health is holding up although sitting for long periods of time is telling on my back so prayers for healing and to help me be less tired would be great.

Things are really moving at a pace, next year I look forward to working in my alternative practice agency at Malmesbury School and I've just found out about another amazing Godincedence in the work that Iain is doing and a chance that more paths my cross for the Lord and more opportunities to reach out to the yps on the edge of society. Flippin eck watch this space guys!!

Thanks for your prayers and good wishes.

How do you turn it off?

Is it a coincidence that we are to live for 3 score years and 10? I have to write a 3000 word essay on a bible passage and one on an introduction to youthwork. My biggest worry is how to do it that few words lol!
I'm thinking of doing a passage from Isaiah 43 which is great as it will follow nicely after studying the Historical Books of the Old Testament but now my little brain has gone into over drive. I tried to go for a ride on my horse to get some down time and all I kept thinking about was the Israelites in Exile for guess what 70 years (that's 3 score years and 10 isn't it)?
We are in exile, aliens in a forgein land, sent here to as Rob Bell puts it to "live between the trees". That's the tree of life in Gen and the one in Revelation. We're here to make the best of where we are living as were the Israelites in Babylon.

Anyway this is a thought in process.

I have been to Uni this week on Monday we did Intro to Youthwork which was interesting. We look at the history of youthwork and models of how to do it, I was pleased to see that we at the abbey have a good model. Then on Tues we did Biblical Studies , yes, all day!! We learned about Exegesis and Hermaneutics and practised it on the Good Samaritan.

If anyone has any tips on switching off the brain for 5 mins though it would be much appreciated. Perhaps now I have put it down in writing it will help :)

First days

Well I have done "freshers" week, made lots of new friends and good news some of the folk are "mature" like me. It was a tough week with loads of info and very intense but fun. Tomorrow is my first day actually at the college for lectures.
When asked how I felt I said and I quote "my head is exploding but I have an underlying sense of peace" lol!

Look out as I drive to Bristol tomorrow!

Love Sarah