Asperger's Syndrome and me.

Well finally we have it, the all important piece of paper that says my son has Asperger's Syndrome. Its only taken us 3 1/2 years, numerous meetings with schools, 4 CAMHS referrals and George to start self harming before anyone would listen. My God its been a journey and all to get people to recognise George is an individual, a real person and not a robot. The main problem here is the Education System, the one size fits all policy borne of the Government that all children need to achieve academically to become a success in the world. The problem was George didn't have a problem academically, in fact he excels in Maths and Science, under achieves a little in English but copes well, is fantastic at art and music so obviously he knew how to behave in company. We have done our best to teach him the rules of the playground but bless him, he is sensitive and vulnerable at these times. He can't read people well and gets over emotional, this leaves him a target for bullies who constantly try and push his buttons to get a response. We along with CAMHS have taught him some coping mechanisims which are begining to bear fruit and eventually the school began to listen and wrote an "Individual Education Plan" for him. I have to say his tutor has been amazing in helping us with this. Sadly one or two of the teachers haven't grasped it and were unwilling to listen to advise so we refused to let George continue in these lessons. If there is one thing I have learnt over the last 3 years is not to let the "authorities" have authority over my son. God gave him to me to look after and so I have every right to make a stand for what I believe is right for my son and indeed my daughters, so we don't take any crap anymore!! Having seen the education system from both sides as a parent and a professional I am saddened that this individual attention cannot be given to all young people. Why is it that in order to gain respect as an individual a child either has to be badly behaved to the point of intervention or have ASD. I have looked at the work of Springfield school for example and the innovative ways they teach, Alternative Provision at Hardenhuish is excellent but still there is this pressure to conform to rules and regulations to achieve, facts and figures. I saw a seriously troubled young man working with a youthworker in an Alt Provision setting, relationships were building and the young man was begining to show respect for his worker. These things take time, sometimes years, watch MR Drew's school for boys to see the development of relationship through scaffolding and walking alongside these boys. The youthworker had to leave the room and leave the boy in the care of a teacher who has very set ideas about behaviour and rules within two minutes the young man was bouncing of the walls so to speak. Young people and human beings they need to be worked with and alongside, not dictated to. Some people (incl my husband at times) think I'm soft but where would you be now if you had a teacher that cared? Maybe you did and would like to acknowledge them, do it, these teachers are the ones that do it because they are called to it, they have a heart for the young person and not their climb up the career ladder. That reminds me of another young teacher, a head of a small village school, who was on a mission. This job was a stepping stone to further his career he didn't care who he stepped on even the end of a young child who it was apparent to me had ASD. He got shouted out and berated causing regular meltdowns for the boy when what he needed was patience and understanding. People are cruel and judgemental. In my life I have had only two serious relationships with men and one of those is my husband. Both my ex and my husband have been the subject of bullying, at school and as adults. Both have been critisied and treated badly by those around them for being "different" there is a strange almost arrogance about them but guess what, they both have recently been or going through the process of being diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. I have lived with this for over 30 years, its been really hard work at times but now I know I can see why. I always saw the person not the crap that society has piled on them. Their eccentrisities only made me love them more and now my son has it too. Well its my job to see that he doesn't end up with depression, beaten down by life until he feels he has to end it all, its my job to help equip him for life, to ensure he loves himself and is confident in who he is until the world stops being an asshole and judging everyone, its my job to help heal the 54 years of crap my husband has gone through and help him accept who he is warts and all and help him see the person I saw 25 years ago. I appeal to you if you are reading this to spread the word. Autism is not a disease, its a different programming system. Its like Windows v Mac. You get used to using one system and in order to use another it takes time and patience. Every single one of us runs a slightly different programme in our brains to another, take that time and patience to learn about each other not because of a label or a diagnosis but because we ALL deserve that kind of respect "We are not numbers, we are free men and women", lets pass that on to those in authority as well, we all deserve a chance to be who we are created to be, some into music, some into horses, and some into football (but remember this one is not everyone's cup of tea). Be who you are wonderfully and fearfully created for a purpose even if we don't know what that is yet. Celebrate your individualism!!